My husband Jonathan and I welcomed the arrival of our beautiful baby girl this past October. She is our double-rainbow baby, a precious term for a baby born after two consecutive miscarriages.

A double-rainbow baby indeed.

The week following our first miscarriage in February 2023 (we named that baby “Joy”), a giant double-rainbow appeared outside my parents house while we were celebrating a family birthday. I had never witnessed a rainbow that big and bright before, let alone a double one. It was beautiful and felt like a promise spoken right to my heart, that we would have our “rainbow” baby. Little did I know how important the “double” rainbow would become to me.

Flash forward to our second miscarriage in July 2023 (we named that baby “Faith”). In the months following, two small shoots of rainbow would form outside our window every afternoon. This was among many other rainbows that we would see. I started to share with family and friends all the rainbows we were witnessing, and they began sending me photos of rainbows and double rainbows they were witnessing too. The original double rainbow became a promise to me.

Life was not all sunshine and rainbows, however. Anxiety, OCD and depression were a constant shadow during this time. My faith, emotions, hormones, all felt rocked and beaten down with lies, disappointment, discouragement. I turned inward and started to question things I had no business questioning, because I didn’t know how to handle the raw emotions deep down underneath.

After finding out about our third pregnancy in February 2024, the anxiety and OCD were still there, but so were the rainbow sightings. In fact, they only increased, and provided comfort at every step of our journey. And a journey it has been.

Looking back on the time before our precious daughter was born, I feel compelled to share the truths that the Lord gave me during that time, and that I am still learning to walk out today as a new mom.

1. The importance of nurture

When under times of great stress or grief, it’s easy to either turn inward and question ourselves, or turn outward and question God and the people around us. We do this while desiring a sense of control, which we think will somehow numb our pain.

All of this, while natural as humans, often leads to more pain and emptiness. I found myself in this negative spiral and knew I needed to take steps to grow through the pain.

I started practicing compassion. Instead of running to the worry, fear and rumination, I would intentionally slow down, place my hand over my heart, and speak to the areas that were in pain. Words and phrases like “Trust,” “Surrender,” and “God loves me” became my mantra.

This wasn’t a quick fix. But as I kept practicing nurture and compassion toward myself, I started taking back some of the ground I had given to fear.

2. Feelings don’t dictate faith

This truth builds on the last. I learned during this time that I don’t have to feel a certain way in order to choose to trust God’s promises and “rainbows.”

I can choose to claim His promises to work all things together for my good, to bless me with exactly what I need, or to never leave me nor forsake me, even while feeling the opposite.

It’s okay to still have feelings of hurt or disappointment or discouragement while choosing to trust. God’s grace is there to help me through to the other side of those emotions. He understands and felt many of these same emotions during His time on earth!

3. Keep asking, seeking and knocking

It can be very easy to feel overwhelmed and discouraged when going through infertility or pregnancy loss. Depending on how long your journey has been, it can feel like no one is able to help you, and that you’ll never have any answers.

But it’s important to keep asking, seeking and knocking, while taking the necessary breaks to rest.

If you’re not jiving with your current OB/GYN, reproductive specialist, or naturopath, try a new one. If you try a new supplement and don’t see a difference right away, set a goal to give it another week or two. Be open to trying new doctors and approaches, even if you need to take a break for a time.

The mantra “Focus on what I can control, while trusting God with it all” became my go-to while exploring the possible reasons behind our two losses. Don’t let discouragement win out.

4. Find your people

The importance of friendships while processing through infertility or pregnancy loss is essential to your mental health. While it’s a blessing to find people going through similar journeys and struggles, that’s not necessary to feeling loved and supported in this season.

Seek out those friends who will listen and empathize however they can with what you’re going through. Pursue relationships with those who affirm your identity as a child of God with unique visions and goals, who don’t push the baby talk or force you to dissect your pregnancy journey.

This was essential to my mental health during our two miscarriages, and afterward as we waited to start trying again. I had both married and single friends who were sensitive to what we had gone through, but honored me as a whole person and pursued me for who I was, and not who I wasn’t yet.

5. Look for the root causes

Finally, in exploring the causes for miscarriages, it’s important to look at your overall health.

Are you lacking in a key nutrient? Are your hormones out of balance? Do you have an underlying issue that may seem unrelated, such as unexplained weight gain or weight loss, that could be related to fertility struggles?

In our miscarriage journey, I decided to see the exploration into possible causes as a reason to take a good look at my overall health and an opportunity for self-care.

One last note on this topic – Our culture is all about quick fixes and results. One that’s being put forward more and more is IVF. Our personal experience showed that artificial answers are often pushed before examining root causes. If IVF is the only answer you’re receiving from your provider, don’t hesitate to express your desire for a natural conception and pursue other solutions.

Miscarriage and fertility struggles are legitimate stressors and painful experiences that deserve the time spent grieving and processing. But they don’t have to define you. I pray this post was helpful in someone’s journey, and plan to share more of what I’ve learned in the coming weeks and months. God bless – Jacklyn